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unsent messages #1

Isang araw, sinabihan mo akong padalhan ka ng text message paggising ko. Nang tinanong kita kung bakit, ang sabi mo, “para magising ka nang maaga“. And then it dawned upon me.

Why do I need to text you if I know I’m not going to get a reply?

It was like throwing a ball upwards and expecting the ball to fall down the exact spot you threw it.

Napaka-pointless.

Alam kong pointless pero ginagawa ko pa rin. Pakiramdam ko kasi, if I fail to make you feel I still exist, makakalimutan mo ako. Come to think of it, mas madali nga siguro ‘yon.

Our lives would have been easier if I simply don’t exist in your world – in this world.

Mas madali kung wala ako. I know it won’t be the same without me (paradox kasi, ‘di ba?). But still, magiging ayos pa rin naman siguro lahat. I just won’t be a part of anything. I just won’t be there to see your smiling face or hear your laugh.

I would just vanish into thin air, along with the things I love. My favorite things – necklaces, bracelets, probably even with the keychains given by my bestest friends.

Everything won’t be the same but you won’t remember me anyway.

You won’t remember the way I smile.

You won’t remember the sound of my laugh.

You won’t remember the way I sneeze.

You won’t remember the way I wear my jackets.

You simply won’t remember anything about me.

The way I blink with my hazel eyes.

The way I brush my wavy hair with my child-like fingers.

The way I fit my foot in a 5-sized shoe.

The way I look at you with cold, sad, disappointed eyes.

 

Surely, it’s better for the both of us if I don’t exist.

florence

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Author:

"You need to get lost before you find yourself" likes: coffee ☕ || rain ☔ || books 📚 || music 🎧 || writing at 2 AM :)

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