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The Missing Piece

want to be whole again.

You see this heart of mine? I can’t even call it a heart! For it’s incomplete like a puzzle.

There’s just this one certain piece I’m looking for. But I can’t find it. For it’s missing like a piece of earring in the midst of people.

I’ve been looking for years. But people say I’ll never be whole again. For I gave that certain piece to a special someone.

And they say he’s gone forever.

He just vanished, leaving me torn.

He just left without an explanation.

He just disappeared. And that’s why I’m searching for the last piece of my being. But it’s missing.

How about you? Have you seen your last missing piece?

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Utter bullsh!t.

Chaos of unidentified feelings.

I don’t know what to call this feeling.

I feel sad and frustrated and empty at the same time.



Waves of thoughts.

Chaos of confusing things.

I hate this feeling.

I feel disappointed and hurt and sorry at the same time.



Blurry images of you.

Chaos you produced.

I hate this feeling.

I feel happy and scared and stupid at the same time.


Chaos happened.

You happened.

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random #7: dull

She ties her hair into a messy bun and sat down on her bed. Little by little, she brought out her notebooks and began sorting them out. After deciding on which subject she should begin with, she turned on her laptop. A few minutes passed and she went downstairs to get herself some coffee. Coffee would let her borrow artificial energy for tonight’s homework(s) but she knew she badly needed a break. It was only Wednesday but she feels very tired so instead of getting coffee, she went back in her bedroom, laid down the bed, and let herself drift to sleep.

The next day, same faces, same voices, and same things happened. Her life was slowly becoming a routine – an endless and lifeless routine. Of course she knew that. But she can’t do anything to change the course of the road she’s been driving on since birth. All she could do was fake a smile as the people around her think that she enjoys her ordinary life. But the truth is, she doesn’t enjoy any of this. And everyday, she feels her energy slowly draining from her body.


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random #6: walls

We were sitting at the opposite corners of the room. You were laughing, your eyes were almost invisible as you laughed your heart out. I was laughing, too. The only difference was, I wasn’t laughing with my heart. I was only making a hollow sound but everyone else interpreted it as a laugh. You glanced at me from time to time. Did you notice I was glancing at you, too? I was crossing my fingers under the table – wishing you would come up to me and apologize. But you didn’t. And I can’t do anything about that. I can only stare at your back, slowly disappearing from my view. I can only watch as you isolate yourself from a chaos named ‘Florence‘.


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An intoxicating scent filled my nostrils

As I took my step

I asked my mom, ‘what is that smell?’

She answers, ‘it’s called vanilla, son’


The blue box sitting on our cupboard was gone

I saw my mother holding it up high,

As if concentrating on something

Oh, it was filled with white powder


I furrowed my eyebrows when mom took out a sunny rock

‘Mom, what is that?’ I ask her

A smile crept on her face and she answers,

‘It’s called butter, son’


A silvery fork and a glassy plate welcomed me at the table

I couldn’t help but grin when I saw yellow circles on my plate

‘Bon Appétit!’ I announced in delight

Mom also helped herself with the yellow circles


An indescribable taste tickled my taste buds

It was not too sweet or too salty

The taste was perfect

And so was the twinkle in my eyes


As I chew the piece of yellow circle,

I noticed something bothersome

How can this be so fluffy

And taste perfect at the same time?


Amusement was written all over my mom’s pretty face

It was like she was waiting for me to ask,

‘Mom, what do you call this yellow circle?’

And answer me proudly


Something about the taste bothered me

It cannot be candy

For candies are colorful

And some are too sweet


I give up!

I turned to my mom and asked,

“Mom, what do you call this yellow circle?”

“They are called pancakes, son,” she replies with a smile

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random #5: the kiss

The minute his lips touched her skin, her mind went berserk. Seconds later, everything sank in. He kissed her on the forehead. She knew she was supposed to feel secure and warm and all… But this certain negative feeling surged upon her – fear. She felt it – the spark everyone talks about. She felt the chills, the butterflies…everything. And that moment, she knew she loves him dearly. That moment, she was supposed to look at him lovingly but her brows betrayed her and they knitted without her permission. Her eyes depicted sadness and fear. That moment, she knew he was capable of driving her mad and sane at the same time. That moment, she secretly drowned in her own thoughts. Just what if he leaves? It was only a kiss on her forehead and yet he was able to drive her insane. She can’t accept the truth that she had fallen for him. She just can’t. And she ran away…from him. From the idea of their ‘us’.


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random #4: i let them

I shut my eyes tight, hoping that my ears would cooperate and stop listening to them. I clenched my teeth while they were laughing at me face-to-face. And I just let them laugh. I let them throw their insults. I let them mock me. Supposedly, they should know me. But no, they don’t know anything about me besides my name. They even think I like pink! I… I don’t trust the people I knew I was expected to trust…because they don’t know me.


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random #3: she

She curls on her bed and wraps herself around a blanket. She looked like she’s suffering from dysmenorrhea but it was more than that, nor any physical pain. She was trying to muffle her parents’ arguments. She wanted to ignore her sisters’ cries. But she can’t. She was screaming inside but the noises were louder. All she could do was sleep with tears flowing down her pale cheeks. Morning came and she smiles at her friends, hoping they would not notice. And they didn’t. Something died deep within her…for even he did not notice her sad brown orbs.


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random #2: i used to

I used to dream of unicorns, princesses, and fairies. I used to count raindrops as they slide down the window’s glass. I used to wish on these tiny little white dots which I recognized later on as ‘stars’. I used to believe in pots of gold at rainbow ends. I used to think that magic is real. I used to think that I’m special and then sooner or later I’ll get my Hogwarts letter or maybe discover my super powers. I used to trust anyone who has a nice smile.

But I grew up and it dawned on me that the unicorns, princesses, and fairies don’t exist. People happened. And they told me that nothing was special with the raindrops. Textbooks made me realize that I was wishing on a star that’s a million lightyears dead. There are no pots of gold at rainbow ends. If I wanted some gold, I shouldn’t look for a pot of gold. I should study hard, get a degree, get myself a job and then work hard until I die. I became rational that I figured I would not receive any letter nor discover my super powers – magic does not exist. Through the years, I learned not to trust anyone but myself. People come and go. They mess you up and leave. Not everyone who has a nice smile is kind. Not everyone who compliments you considers you as his or her friend.

People happened and I grew up. That’s why I stopped believing in those lies above.